Friday Conundrum: Ultra Soft or Ultra Strong?

Friday, June 18, 2010

Here's something I've been thinking about for a while.

I'm a loyal customer of Charmin toilet paper.  It's the only kind I'll buy.  Yeah, I've been adventurous and bought Angel Soft before because it was on sale, but after 2 rolls (out of the huge 24 or 36-pack), I would realize its vast inferiority and start trying to use it for other things (or use way more than I need) just to get rid of it so I could go get some Charmin!

But here's the problem with Charmin... they offer four different varieties:  Basic, Sensitive, Ultra Soft, and Ultra Strong.  I don't like the Basic and I don't have sensitive skin, so I'm left with two options... why do I have to choose between soft and strong?  Shouldn't I get both softness and strength?  Okay, okay, I know the Angel Soft jingle is "Angel Sooooft, an ideal balance of softness and strength!", but they lie.  It might be strong but it's definitely not soft.  Anywho, riddle me this, why can't they make a brand that combines the two?  Are the scientists at Charmin not smart enough to come up with a formula that is both soft and strong?  If that's the case, they need to get some new people in there.

But another thing that has me flummoxed is why does toilet paper even need to be that strong?  If you choose to wipe a number 2 with only one square of toilet paper, it's your own fault if it breaks.  But who does this?  Doesn't everyone get a whole wad so as to make sure that no poo escapes onto your hand?  I guess I've never really talked to anyone else about it, I just assumed this was the norm.  This is why I choose Ultra Soft.  (I know you were all on the edge of your seats wondering which one I get.  Well, now you know.)


  1. I always go with Ultra Strong for some reason. I have Ultra Soft now because the store ran out of Ultra Strong. I've tried the one with the ripples and Scott's, but I don't like them as much as Charmin.

  2. Who gives a shit?
    Love Aunt Missa